Are You Embarrassed To Be Looking For A Job?

Now there is an uncomfortable question and a really honest one BUT - I know you may be embarrassed to be in the market.  It is tough to admit and even tougher to be that when you need to glossing your worth. How are you going to engage the marketplace and find your next thing if you are embarrassed to be “in the market”? 

(Just go with me here - be prepared to read the following paragraph as many times as it takes to feel professionally lighter as you grasp this mindset.)

First, STOP looking for a job!  I realize you are looking for your next role but you aren't.  You aren’t looking for a job, you are not in the market, you did not get laid off and you weren’t fired (even though you are, are too, might have been, or unfortunately were.) Looking at the positive and the mindset - YOU ARE A FREE AGENT!  A free agent. YOU ARE A FREE AGENT. You have been given a beautiful career reset button for this mini-sabbatical like you planned it all along. I mean …sabbaticals are always planned. 

You can't go connect with people and your primary message be, "Hey, I am looking for a new job. Let me know if you hear about any opportunities.” If that is your shtick, you should be red-faced and feeling a little warmer from realizing people have been rolling their eyes at you frequently and have tended to deeply sigh when you come a callin'. Ergo, the approach needs a little tweaking. (I realize ergo was unnecessary but was it?)

I hope you are taking note of this sudden self-awareness and use it to take a thorough inventory of your skills, complete that strengths assessment, dig out those former performance reviews and reacquaint you with you, label the problems you enjoy solving and solved for the companies you worked for, celebrate all those accomplishments you kinda forgot about, and realize the marketable value you possess.  How about getting busy doing THAT? 

Maybe it’s not embarrassment - maybe it’s lack of confidence or simply discomfort at how to approach your professional world. So…What about this network of yours? This network you know you have neglected. You don't want to have to go engage your network in this condition when you haven't been engaging all along. 

Fortunately, social media has made us all far more interesting than we ever knew.  We never realized how many people in our network were Bacon lovers, or can’t post enough pics of their hairless cat - many in themed outfits, and were apparently always HUGE fans of that recording artist that just passed away - yet we mindlessly take it all in. 

Let's bring them back to the real world and make it easy for them to help us with our pursuits. You are gonna sneak up on these folks and make them realize how much they want to help you (or at least find out who is willing to).  These virtual lingerers are the same people routinely checking out your profile and may be even faithful "Likers" of meaningless posts so why don’t we leverage their lingering and liking and artfully invite them into meaningful conversations that may lead to connections and will give you momentum you need.

English - Your Native Tongue

The English language is tough.  I am not a grammar snob but some of you people need to go remedial for a moment.  Look, I have my own who vs. whom dilemma so I can empathize.  Fortunately, 99% of the population has a who/whom prob.  My grammar issues fly below the radar unless an English scholar stumbles across this brilliance.  My risk of exposure is low.

Back in the ...rather a long time ago, I recall a fraternity brother coming in the house late one night - visibly frustrated.  He was an education major and now a school principal in Louisville.  On this night, he was bemoaning his grade in an essential English course.  Verbatim he says, "I am getting a fuc%ing D in English.  I have a D... in my native tongue."  It was hilarious then and is still funny to me. If he can become a principal, you can solve your issues with to and too, affect and effect, and the other 39 common grammar issues. 

Because from what I see when you ask me to proof emails or cover letters - many of you did not excel in your native tongue either.  Please understand - I love that you send them to me - these touch points are too valuable to squander.  Conversely, when you don't send them, I get to witness employers bask in the rays of your poor grammar, getting off on typo sex just before they say, "Do you have additional candidates?"

My fraternity brother now principal dropped the course and took that class the next semester.  I so wish you could drop that interview and retake it in the Spring. No - your choice is to drop your interest in that job you want. 

Let's do this - let's improve your English in 2 days with Prime shipping.  The Goof Proofer is your reference resource. 

It is an old book - yes.  Apparently, our professional foremothers and fathers in 1999 struggled with these same issues.  The book gives you the background that you missed and now need.  Take the shortcut, please.  For your written words, you may also consider downloading Grammarly.  Let's stop this cycle because I "don't never" want to discuss this again.

Spell Check likes you the way you are.  Poor English can keep you where you are.  The world is judging whether you like it or not and you are not above the game.  Study your words.  Where the apostrophe goes is important if you want to call that gig yours.  Or is it your's?

Play The Game Better

We are walking around asking, "Am I okay?"  When you are between gigs that is what those placed in your path of judgement want to know.  They want to know but they don't ask.

Hiring folks are looking to see if they can reveal some bitterness, entitlement, a little defensiveness or desperation in you.  If that isn't enough - the next layer is luring you into resenting their questions.  Please don't go all cynical - you know this game can be cruel and difficult BUT we gotta play.  We gotta play well.  We gotta play better.

First though - let's get some affirmation out of the way.  You are okay.  You have value.  You have skills.  You solve problems.  You are going to solve this problem.  You have the power.  (You have probably forgotten these nuggets or don't know how to quite package you.)

I know one thing - you need affirmation and you aren't getting much of it now and damn! - who wants to ask for affirmation.  We can talk about affirmation another time.

I can't even remember where I was going with this.  Hmmm...

Maybe it was how do I get affirmation without asking for it.  That sounds right..oh..yes -  YOU have to play better.  You know on your way to the next career episode the people you encounter are vital.  Thus...here is what you have to do - 

• Engage people.
• Ask for opinion or perspective.
• Put your LinkedIn url on your resume so they can click it.  (They are petty and most often their profile settings are such that you will see they clicked.  Proving that they have a proclivity for pettiness over their privacy.)  
• Realize their stuff is more important than your stuff.  Ask about THEIR stuff.

I know you just want a job.  I know you need to go back to work.  Go engage people.  

Back to affirmation, YOU are okay, YOUR game is not.  That is a bit of the what - I am happy to help you with the how.  You gotta help yourself with the WHEN.  (HINT: NOW!)

A Brisk Walk With Your Boss

"I have a confidential search for you, Andy.  We are going to replace our _______."

Candidly, as a recruiter, I love this call.  Sadly, this guy is about to lose his job but before you think I am mildly heartless - KNOW a confidential search is more about someone not fitting in with the culture and more often than not - he just does not mesh with the boss. 

Client says this and I launch into questions about what they are looking for, why do they want to manage this individual out and my normal questions in taking this assignment.

Sure enough - they just do not see a future for him - he is not part of the succession plan any longer.  Why?  The answers were initially a little evasive and I kept asking.  What was at the heart of it though?

A lack of awareness.

How do I know?  The client shared a lot but one behavior stood out, "When he is following the boss around the office and the plant - "he walks too far behind."  Really?!  Yes.  On the surface, a bit petty but the inference was based on a behavior 

You probably have the competence and the training; the hard skills.  What about the soft skills?  If you are going to succeed your boss, engage, be aware, follow along closely - even when walking.    

A Bettering Conversation

One thing I have always tried to do is steal from my clients to benefit you - the jobseeker.  I can assure you I can never get in trouble stealing from my clients like that.  It's my own career ponzi scheme.    

In fact, it is biblical.  Check this out from 2 Corinthians 3-5 (The Message) - All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. 

That may be a little bit of a stretch but having the career conversations I do, especially with those between jobs, you see new wounds and old wounds exposed.  Many times the loss of a job is the band-aid ripped off that begins the unraveling of a person's life.  

Solid career counsel isn't the only answer in some cases - but for most - you need to get on with it using this time to improve yourself.  The collected opinions of my clients from behind-the-scenes real conversations have been bettering for many and I have enjoyed the thiefdom.  Thus, the majority of the career crux blog will be devoted to stolen property from real conversations translated into idea energy for this search of yours.